It feels so weird to say that I've been a mother for two weeks now. It seems like just yesterday I was anticipating my first doctors appointment, now you're here!
I wanted to share my amazing experience thus far with you all because it has been just that, amazing.
I'll start from the super fun part: LABOR.
Some women shiver with fear at the thought of labor, Yes I was one of them. It's a scary feeling not knowing what to expect or what will happen next. If any of our readers are control freaks like myself,.the anticipation labor will drive you nuts.
My boyfriend and I went in for our doctors appointment on Monday, November 4, expecting him to send us back home for another week to wait on our son to come along on his own. Our reason for thinking this was because we came to the hospital Halloween night with contractions five-seven minutes apart, stayed the night, only to be checked for dilation in the morning and my cervix be only a finger tip, the same it was before we spent the night at the hospital in the first place.
I'm sure you all can only imagine our disappointment.
Once we got to the doctor's office Monday Morning our doctor did what's called a "No Stress Test" to monitor my contractions, which were still coming about every seven minutes.
I'd gained 50 pounds, wasn't sleeping due to random night hunger and lack of being able to get comfortable and with me working in a call center, I was on edge 24/7.
My doctor, Dr. Gospendetic, an awesome OB-GYN at Johnston Willis Medical Center, flat out told me I still wasn't dilated more than a fingertip, my son wasn't even engaged in labor (meaning his head hadn't moved into my pelvis to descend into the birth canal) and I probably wasn't going to deliver vaginally.
Although my boyfriend and I figured that this was going to happen, (I'd been the same since week 37), I was still extremely nervous. My doctor wanted to induce me to see if that would change anything but the cesarean was going to be indefinite.
It's a crappy feeling when you feel that, as a woman, your body can't do or won't do what it's supposed to do.
Anyway, Dr.G told us to come back at 5pm to be induced, our appointment was at 9 that morning, so time dragged right on by.
We ran home, grabbed our bags which had been packed for weeks and waited.
The induction made the contractions come closer together and that much stronger.
It was awful.
I was in labor from 6pm until 10am. My water broke on it's on but only because my son had a bowel movement while still in my uterus, which is scary because the infant could breath in their own bile and create a whole set of issues that could be life threatening.
That, along with the narcotics for pain and the contractions coming back to back had me all sorts of displaced.
My doctor checked me that morning, I was only 3 centimeters. THREE!!! TUHHHHHH!
The epidural came next.
You hear so many horror stories about epidurals and what happens if you blink too hard while getting one. So, needless to say, I was super nervous.
Anesthesia literally gives me the trembles every time so the epidural was no different.
I made my boyfriend sing to me while on the operating table because I could not get myself together.
For those wondering he sang "Sweet Life" by Frank Ocean. Our favorite song.
The c-section was successful, the recovery is still tough at times but when I heard Jace David Towns cry for the first time, my heart melted. At 1040am on November 5 weighing at 9 lbs, 4 oz and 20 3/4 inches long, my life changed forever.
Since we've been home I have learned so much about myself, selflessness, love and strength than I ever knew I could.
Jace David has his own little personality and it's so amazing to see my boyfriend as well as myself in him more and more every single day.
Don't get it twisted, having a child is not all singing angels and harps, I've cried about 10 times since we've been home! I have never been an emotional person, not to this extreme anyway.
I have to remind myself that I'm human and I'm not going to know everything, right away, all the time. I want to be the perfect parent, who doesn't, but I don't know much of anything about parenting. When does this maternal intuition kick in again?!
You know what you see others do but doing it on your own, is another story.
My advice, don't take the 3am screaming personal. Don't take any of the strange infant behavior personal. Babies will be babies. Sometimes you can fix why they're upset, sometimes you can't.
Try not to beat yourself up about it. It's easier said than done.
On a lighter note,
I'm in love with my son and I've fallen in love with my boyfriend all over again. He's been an amazing support system and I couldn't ask for a more understanding and heartwarming partner to love me through this.
My family has been awesome as well. I couldn't imagine raising Jace without their help.
Motherhood is amazing and scary and exciting and terrifying and blissful as well as nerve-wrecking but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I'll be back to update you at our ONE MONTH mark!
I have a product I'm waiting on that I'll do a review for at that time!
Here's a hint, it has to do with body image after pregnancy!